Top tips for a happy marriage

Victoria Walker, family lawyer and partner at Moore Barlow gives her top tips for a happy marriage!

A happy marriage is built on a foundation of effective communication, love and mutual respect. Here are my essential tips to strengthen your partnership and foster lasting happiness. Wishing you all the best for your hopefully happy ever after.

Before getting married...
Don't rush!
Take your time to really get to know the person. Ensuring that you both share similar or complementary aspirations is key. I've encountered couples where one person desired early retirement or to work overseas while the other was not in agreement, leading to irreconcilable differences and the end of the relationship. There have also been instances where one partner was satisfied with a simple and less demanding lifestyle, while the other was not. Qualities that were initially endearing might become sources of frustration later on.

Make sure you have hobbies or interests that align
While it's perfectly fine to have different interests, be sure that you both have some hobbies or interests in common. I've encountered numerous couples who grew apart and felt that they had nothing in common, particularly after their children moved out. Shared interests will ensure that you continue to spend quality time together, engaging in activities that you both enjoy.

Live together
Living together before getting married is a great way to assess compatibility. Spend some time finding out how you interact when you aren't on your best behaviour. However, be mindful that living with someone does not give you the same legal rights as being married. It can significantly impact finances upon a separation, especially when there are children involved.

Do you want children? If so, discuss what kind of parents you will be
I work with many couples in mediation who have very different views on how to raise their children. Discuss your childhood experiences and your parents' approach to playtime and education. What type of education do you expect for your children - private or state? Who will take care of the children during the holidays? Are you both planning to keep working? Are either of you bilingual, and would you agree that your children should speak both languages? International relationships can bring pressure and may lead to a desire to be near family at times, and when that involves the added dimension of an international family, that can create hostility and resentment. These differences in child-rearing views can make it difficult to agree on arrangements upon separation.

Be open about your finances
How do you plan to manage your finances? Joint accounts can be suitable for household and family expenses, but I always recommend individuals to maintain their own account too, and have some of their own money. How do you intend to divide expenses? I believe the fairest way to split expenses is based on income proportions. In a past relationship, I paid 50% of the expenses while earning significantly less, and I now realize how unfair that arrangement was. It's worth seeking legal advice regarding the financial implications of marriage. You might consider creating a written agreement outlining the plan for your finances in the event of a separation.

Understand how you deal with conflict
What are your communication styles? Can you appreciate and adapt to the others? I worked with one client who retreated when faced with conflict, whilst the other attacked, which was not compatible. Listen to hear the other, not just to respond.

After marriage...
Maintain open communication
There aren't many issues that can't be improved by open communication, and not talking leads to resentment, and resentment leads to distance. Keep talking and be curious about each other. Maintain respect for each other at all times, and don't go to sleep on an argument.

Stay true to yourself
Maintaining your sense of self is crucial. Knowing and understanding who you are before marriage allows you to remain true to yourself afterward. Keep some money to yourself and treat yourself.

Know your boundaries but be prepared to bend
Marriage is a journey, and it's unrealistic to expect perfection at all times. Compromise is essential, but not if it's always the same person who compromises. Agree the boundaries for your extended families. In-laws can provide support but can also be a source of stress for some couples. It's important to always support your partner and ensure they support you in return.

Keep the magic alive
Remember that none of us are perfect. Find someone whose quirks you can tolerate and look for the best in them. Be nice to each other and pick your battles wisely. Learn from mistakes, forgive, and move on. Don't take your partner for granted. Make time for each other, away from the children if you have them. Special events such as birthdays, anniversaries and festival days should remain special. Learn what brings your partner joy and surprise them with unexpected acts of kindness.

Get a dog and a cleaner
The dog will always be thrilled to see you, the cleaner will help you avoid many arguments.

And most importantly, keep laughing and having fun!